OLD.

OLD. I'm hitting 30 and that seems like a good point to reflect in a public setting on what that means: to me for my own benefit, and to whatever it means to the weird internet communities I find myself a part of (hello weird internet communities I find myself a part of).

OLD. I know I'm aging but this is the first year I feel like I've been made to feel it. Between some pretty shitty health scares, progress into the growing list of responsibilities I'm handed the longer I hang around a job/(simply am alive), and (probably the most banal reason) the baffling number of married people I know as compared to a few years ago... I see it, I know it, I feel many things about it.

OLD. Things changing isn't all bad. It's brought new things to learn about it on the days I'm willing/able to stick my head into the fire hose. Time moves differently, more poignantly, when I'm engaged and sameness is comfortable, but it is not engaging (for me anyway, get after it you comfortable kings and queens, I'm happy it works for you). I get hurt, I learn new ways to deal with things, it's satisfying even though I'd really rather not get hurt in the first place.

OLD. 29 feels like a weird time in my life to start meeting a lot of people from the internet but here I am. Along with a lot of other folks, I attended the Newgrounds meetup in Denver this past year, had guests and stayed with folks who I've only ever known as a discord or newgrounds icon and through their voices or the things they make. It's initially surreal but that fades quickly, giving way to community that feels *almost* as natural as those I'm a part of outside of any online context. 

OLD. I've slowed down a bit with making music. I don't know if that's some byproduct of having "processed" what I needed to and don't need to now (note: it is not this, I am saying it could be but it is not this, do not think it is this, what are you even saying I'm stopping this now,) the short and longer form bouts with anxiety and depression that I've ridden through and been ridden by this past year (blurred with but not entirely due to some of the aforementioned health issues), an unwillingness to engage as it feels like things kept moving around me, the fact that I'm not working at home anymore and I'm not literally next to musical instruments to play on breaks throughout the day, etc. etc. etc.

I don't know how I feel about that. I still work on new music here and there (SOMETIMES I EVEN POST IT) but the words I'm writing often don't seem to fit, or the words don't come and I lose steam, start something new and get lost in the same loop. I've been doing more sketches, word vomit writing, quick songs and that's been gratifying. It keeps me from needing some bigger context for the work I'm putting in and there's no pressure to always have everything perfect. I do really just like the flow state of making. I post less and there's something incomplete feeling in that; the not sharing of work. I don't know how I feel about that either.

OLD. I'm dropping that format, no more OLD. Full stop on OLD.

Old. I'm grateful to the folks I've met and the ones I haven't through this site. It's a good piece of "Old." internet in 2023, there's parts of it I can't stand but then there's the rest of it. That part is nice.

Old. If you've read this far, you're older than the you who started reading this. What an irresponsible thing to do with your time. Thanks for doing that though, maybe I'll make a third news post here someday that you can read or not read and that will also be swell.

Special thanks to @Littlbox , @GoodL , @PsychoGoldfish , @NEDP (WHO NEVER USES THIS SITE BUT I'M PINGING YOU ANYWAY), @BulrogtheSorcerer (who I did not meet in person this year but had fun making things with anyway,) Everyone I met at the NG meet up and all the other #Old and non-#Old farts out there. You're great and made this past year better than it would have been had you not been a part of it.

EDIT: F FORGOT TO THANK @TomFulp HOW THE F DID I FORGET TO THANK @TomFulp GEEZE F, THANK YOU TOM FULP YOUR WEBSITE IS PRETY SWELL

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Random things (also Old. but not a part of the rest of the OLD. or above Old.)

Made a single animation last year. I am still happy with it.

Made a single album last year. I am now happy with it.